About Death

I got out of work around six, had couple bottles of beer with my high school friends, and came home a little tired and a little tipsy. My mom made fun of my posture: me quite awkwardly in a suit with my hands in the pockets, feigning a salesman having to deal with all the hardship of the world. I went into my room to change, and my mom follow suited, and I was expecting my mom to throw a mundane conversational starter, like "how was your day?" or "tell me what happened at work; did anyone get mad at you?" But what she said instead was:

"Hey, do you remember (This person who is my dad's ex-coworker)'s wife? We used to live in the same condo."

"Of course, we had BBQ parties together."

And she made that facial expression; that particular one you make when you are about to break a shocking and distantly tragic news. 

"She has a colon cancer. It was too late when she found out. (then Mom quoted) How long am I to live under this summer sky with my kids? So the whole family went on a trip."

It was shocking obviously. It isn't that I am close with her. In fact, I barely know her. But it still managed to shove a butterfly in my stomach that had really icy legs. A person whose face I can envision quite clearly is facing death, and it's nigh. 

I went into the bathroom to take a shower, and mulled over. I realize what I felt inside, the nebulous fear, stemmed from the fact that I knew; I knew she was going to say something bad, some chronic disease, or at least some insuperable tragedy that will kill this lady. It was scary because I knew, because It is not so uncommon for a person you know to die of something that we as humans can't really fight and overcome. I guess it is the usualness, or ubiquity of death. It comes without a warning. And when it finally does, you're too late. 

I feel something heavy and deep, but I can't wrap my head around to it to put in words and say I learnt something from this news. It's quite over my head. Ironically, it's my dad's birthday tomorrow in 90 minutes. I am about to celebrate the birth of a person I love the most, and it's preluded by a distant acquaintance's imminent death. 

How about that